When planners go bad (or sad), continued

So last time I wrote a blog post, I wrote about a particular sort of planner that I believe is bad for business and creativity. I called him/her the ‘intellectual wannabe’ planner.

Well now, I think it’s time to turn the spotlight on what I call ‘the hipster planner’.

Again, they’re generally harmless but left untreated, they can be highly annoying. So if you spot more than five of these traits in yourself (or are working with someone with them) then take action quickly before the sound of applause for creative effectiveness is replaced with the thuds of closed fists upon your head. 

(I should point out that I defined six traits as the danger level because when my wife looked at this list, she said, "Well, you practice five of them". [Which five? -Ed.] She quickly added, "But hipsters would be ashamed to be associated with you, so you’re definitely not one of them." So my thinking is six is the number to avoid.)

1. They will wear a t-shirt that either features the Motorhead logo (even though they will probably only know 'Ace of Spades') or a band the rest of us have never heard of but just reeks of being as cool as f***.

2. At the end of every sentence, they’ll say “yeah?” As if they want to be sure the audience is keeping up with their genius, even though secretly, they’ll be sure that is an impossible ask.

3. Every reference they use will come from Fast Company, Malcolm Gladwell or some underground music mag.

4. They’ll use Keynote with every bloody effect it can produce on every bloody slide.

5. Their presentations will feature one word and some random—but gritty-looking—image.

6. Or a cat video.

7. Or a photo of them. Stage-diving or something. Probably from their Facebook page where they can ‘accidently’ show they have 74,000 friends.

8. Every presentation will start with a quote from a dead rock star, an indie song or a skateboarder.

9. Then, when they present, they’ll ignore everything on the screen and just walk about in their skinny jeans, sucking their cheeks in and saying things like, “You won’t have heard of these guys but…” before proceeding to show how they’re best mates with this bunch of losers/lucky bastards and that they hang out at the sort of hotspots only the hottest of filmstars go to. And they all take drugs together. Or talk about Buddhism.

10. They absolutely, definitely, 1000 per cent will talk about being a DJ. And they’ll say it in a tone like they’re the bomb and if anything, planning is just their side project.

11. Or photography. They’ll definitely be the greatest photographer in the world and will use their shots in their presentation. Either featuring miserable, drug-addled teens or clichéd hipsters. In a coffee shop.

12. They will never, ever describe themselves as a planner. Always a trend hunter, chaser of the cool or follower of the totally, absolutely amazing.

13. They only rate people with an arm of tattoos.

14. They are convinced all the chicks in the room fancy them. And the men.

15. They never. Never ever. Never, ever, ever talk about the general public or masses.