Singapore's Funan mall will be full of wonders. Also ghosts.

We are in receipt of an email from JCDecaux Singapore announcing that it will be the exclusive partner for advertising sites within the new Funan mall, which opens today in Singapore.

The text of the release is a gift in its own right, with overheated prose touting something called a “Funan eLevate Digital Billboard", which is apparently positioned upon the mall's "majestic" 25-meter tall "Tree of life". We don't know what that is, but it supposedly spans six storeys and houses 20 retail pods. We're also informed that JCDecaux will install a camera on the digital billboard to create "immersive brand experiences using camera-triggered content and Augmented Reality (AR)". So there's that to look forward to. 

But we're not here to talk about all that. We're here to gaze in wonder at the amazing artist's rendering that has been provided along with the news release. Here it is—and we strongly encourage you to click so you may enjoy it in its full-size glory.

Here are a few of our favourite parts:

No, this isn't PhotoShopped. Why do you ask?
 

Honey, I shrunk the millennial!
 

If we're cursed to spend eternity as mall ghosts, at least there's a ghost Starbucks here.
 

Shaq, is that you? Wow, you really are big.

No, I can crane MY neck further to be influenced by the Funan eLevate Digital Billboard!

Let the daily clown breakdancing battle commence!
 

For the last time, yes, I want the mall basketball court right next to the mall bike-racing track. What could go wrong?
 

It's bad enough I'm playing a shopping mall. Now I have to compete with a sax-conga-bass-piano quartet, too? I really need a new agent.